Cookie Dough Can Explodes In Woman’s Vagina During Shoplifting Incident

walmartcookies

Greenville, NC (Satire)–  An incident coming out of Greenville, North Carolina is just one example of what some people will do around the holidays when they are short on cash. A 34-year-old mother of 3 is now under arrest after a shoplifting incident turned tragic. Witnesses say Shatuanee Greene entered the North Carolina Walmart on Sunday with her three children ages 5, 7, and 8 when she grabbed a can of pre-made Christmas cookie dough. CCTV footage shows the young mother take the can to the toy aisle as her children crowded around her. Greene then lifted up her skirt and made the can of cookie dough “disappear.”

When Greene was approached by Walmart security, she told her children to go find their Aunt in the front of the store. “I told her to hand over the cookie dough,” said Timothy Reiner, a security guard at Walmart. “That’s when she turned around to run and I grabbed her by the arm. She put up a good fight, and that’s when I tackled her to the ground. Then I heard a loud pop and the lady started screaming. Gooey cookie dough was running down her leg. All hot and runny… it was so damn gross.”

According to eyewitnesses, the EMT that treated Greene on the scene said the Pillsbury cookie dough can exploded in Greene’s vagina during the fall causing her extreme pain. They removed the contents at the scene. The woman was treated then released into the custody of Greenville police. While stabilizing green they also found candy sprinkles and a number 6 birthday candle wedged into the woman’s vaginal cavity. Greene did not suffer any serious injuries and is being held at the county jail on a $2000 bond. Her children were placed with family members.

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Staff Writer

A retired broadcast engineer, talk show host, news reporter - I have done everything there is to do in the radio broadcast business. I worked a year in television. I left that as my true passion has always been radio - plus I got tired of hearing - you have a face for radio.. I hope you enjoy my articles! Be sure to share them excessively on facebook - like our page and bug your friends with invites!

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17 Responses

  1. Palladini says:

    Now that is one woman I remove from my do her list

  2. Palladini says:

    That is one woman i will take off of my ‘too many women, too little time list

  3. Lee says:

    I’m sure she will try to sue Wal-Mart…

  4. Lee says:

    When will she file suit against Wal-Mart? You know it is coming. LOL

  5. Nae says:

    Guess that batch of vookies wont be at the Church Christmas bazaar!

  6. charlotte says:

    If she has that much room,she better not pass by any GoodYear Tire shops-DAMN WOMAN

  7. Donah says:

    Its against walmart regulatuons to tackle or cause physical onto a person.

  8. bb says:

    that is just amazingly disgusting….what a fkn pig…..iccck…..

  9. Chad says:

    It’s not shoplifting until you leave the store no one ever fights that charge and she did not leave the doors yeah that’s a big lawsuit

  10. Dave says:

    Yeah maybe not shoplifting, but defacing store property with intent to steal would be what it is before shoplifting.

  11. Jeff says:

    It’s fake! It says satire right at the start.

  12. joe says:

    Its SATIRE folks…which means it isn’t true!!!
    Leo Asscraft…is that the “best” your “imagination” can fathom?! What do you sit around and fantasize about large black women stuffing things up their vagina’s?! Or are you some paid shill, attempting to antagonize racial hatred and disgust from fiction?! Either way, why don’t you crawl back under whatever rock you came from

  13. Rusty says:

    Boys boys boys this is public media let’s put a sick in the personal attacks! Lol

  14. melissa says:

    I predict a Yeast Infection coming on!!!!

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