Category: Satire

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Gone Fishin’

A funeral procession pulled into a cemetery. Several carloads of family members followed a black truck towing a boat with a coffin in it. A passer-by remarked, “That guy must have been a very avid fisherman.” “Oh, he still is,” remarked one of the mourners. As a matter of fact, he’s headed off to the lake as soon as we bury his wife.”

Man Arrested For Breaking Into Homes And Tickling But*holes

TEXAS (Satire) Or is it? – The infamous “B*tthole Tickler” who had been breaking into homes in Dallas and tickling victim’s but*holes while they were sleeping has finally been captured. The so called “B*utthole tickler” hit several homes and targeted at least a dozen people before being arrested. His best cover was the element of surprise.  Victims believed he was a harmless homeless man, but after being captured it was discovered he wasn’t homeless at all. When he was captured he was wearing “Yezzus” brand clothing that is estimated to be worth several thousand dollars. The string of break-ins happened overnight.  The community was so alarmed they...

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Congresswoman – Homicide Leading Cause Of Most Murders In America

Houston – Texas (Satire) Congresswoman Sheila Jackson Lee [D-Houston] presented a not so formal mass media conference where she announced that her current administration, via great efforts and much expense, had finalized a decade-old analysis which centered on the main cause of killings in north america. The lady was stated as saying that the final results were definitely largely going in the direction of “homicide” being the actual prime cause of the killings. This congresswoman has been cited as stating, “Datas uncover today give us a clearer portrait of a couple of possible cause for murder, but let’s be clear.....

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Babysitter Discovers Clown Doll In Kid’s Room – Real Person, Raping The Child At Night

  OREGON – A 48-year-old pedophile is now behind bars after he was caught molesting a six-year-old little girl while she was left at home with a babysitter. According to police report, the baby sitter tells a chilling story of how the attacker was discovered. “The family had me scheduled to babysit Thursday, Friday, and Saturday evening so they could go out of town for their anniversary,” recalls the babysitter Chastity Cromwell in her report to the police. “On Thursday evening when I put the little girl to bed she said she was afraid to be alone. She told me...

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Woman Throws Bloody Tampon At DMV Worker – Fights Cop As He Tries To Arrest Her

Miami, Florida (satire) –  A 23-year-old Florida woman was arrested after she assaulted a DMV worker with the bloody tampon. The woman claimed she has AIDS. The woman, Kristen Myers approached the desk at the Florida Department of Motor Vehicles frustrated that she had been waiting for over 6 hours to get a photo ID. The DMV worker told Myers there was nothing she could do about the wait time and asked her to have a seat. That’s when Myers raised her hand and threw a blood soaked tampon at the workers face. Then she whispered to the woman, “I have AIDS...

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Cookie Dough Can Explodes In Woman’s Vagina During Shoplifting Incident

Greenville, NC (Satire)–  An incident coming out of Greenville, North Carolina is just one example of what some people will do around the holidays when they are short on cash. A 34-year-old mother of 3 is now under arrest after a shoplifting incident turned tragic. Witnesses say Shatuanee Greene entered the North Carolina Walmart on Sunday with her three children ages 5, 7, and 8 when she grabbed a can of pre-made Christmas cookie dough. CCTV footage shows the young mother take the can to the toy aisle as her children crowded around her. Greene then lifted up her skirt...